I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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