i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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