This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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