if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
