you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
