But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
