ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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