I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
