TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
