The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
