so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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