I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
