please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
