god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
