Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
