Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
