big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
