No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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