Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
