He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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