4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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