Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize