well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
time to smoke my breakfast
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
