Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
