I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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