I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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