I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
