I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
