69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
