respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I supernannyed him into submission
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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