my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i dont even know how to be here
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
