mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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