I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
