Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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