You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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