Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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