i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
