i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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