Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
