My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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