I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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