There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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