You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
