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Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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