yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
