And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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