just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Randomize
