Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
