just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
