New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
