Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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