Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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