I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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