How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
