Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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