Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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