i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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