Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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