I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
