you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
