Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
