I'm lost and stupid without you.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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