we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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