look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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