I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
