We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you win again, gameday.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
