if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
