I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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