The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
