God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize