i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
