pop tarts are not kleenex
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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