it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
