Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
