It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Still dying that you shit outside
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
