Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
