I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
