he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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