Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
