i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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