I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
3 2 1 whiskey
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
