and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
