I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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