Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize