I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
