i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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