I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
