I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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