it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
