You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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