closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
