I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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