Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i think i have herpe
just one?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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