I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
