Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
