quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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