Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
