Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He better not be in your backpack
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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