What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
