Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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