we have officially lost it.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
